HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT POLYGYNY?

As a person, a female person, a muslim female person, you can be sure I’ve given this issue a lot of thought, for quite some time really. Lately though, It has kept coming up, and, I have strong feelings about it, so, I’ve decided to come here to rant about it…Because I can.

Everybody- well, almost everybody, is aware, that muslim men are allowed, in Islam to have up to four wives simultaneously. YES, that’s right. It’s a God-given right of theirs. I should point out here, that while polygyny is allowed, there is very little encouragement for it. There is no special reward or accolade for the practice, it’s just something that you can do, rather than, say, have extramarital affairs.

However, as Allah is a just God, he has given rights to women, just as he has given rights to men. Different rights of course, but suitable to each. Nobody talks about the rights of the women, as much as those of men. Don’t quote me, but I smell male propaganda (Yes it does happen, even in religion). Anyways, the female has the right , to prohibit, in the marriage contract, the man from ever marrying another wife while she is married to him. As long as he agrees to that and signs it, he is bound by it. Whether she wants to exercise that right of hers or not, is entirely a different matter.

Now, the question is- Would I allow my husband marry again after me?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! No freaking way. I am a very jealous person when it comes to things like that. I just know it wouldn’t work out. This is me though, and we’re all different, so someone else might decide they want it for certain reasons, which I’m sure are valid. For them.

Some of my Reasons? –

A) My body is really important to me. I can’t decide to abstain till marriage, in part to prevent STDs, only to contact it after getting married simply because my husband decided to go sleep with some other woman he claims to be married to. Some woman I don’t trust to be free of STDs, or to keep to one sexual partner. Why should I trust her after all?

B) Like I said before, I am a very jealous person. I do not require a lot of attention from people, not even from my family. I used to, not anymore. I now require attention from God. Part of my reasons for getting married is to be able to get all d attention I might want from people, from my husband. Not in a needy sort of way, but just the sort one would normally get from a devoted companion. Now, having that attention taken from moi, to be diverted somewhere else or to be shared, with someone else, just isn’t going to work for me (Kids don’t count).

C). I want my kids to have a sense of safety and belonging where it matters most, with their family. Your family is supposed to be your anchor, a safety nest, where you feel a sense of security and belonging. Having your father live in two different homes, I’m sure, doesn’t give you a true sense of home. If you think- “well, we’ll all just live in a big house and be one big happy family”, that’s about the worst way you could handle it, because then, the last thing you all will be, is ‘happy’. You don’t have to take my word for it, just ask people who grew up in a polygynous home, they-at least almost all the ones I’ve met- don’t have the best things to say about it. Of course, there’s always the exception. I have to be honest and say I’ve met one of such (according to them anyway).

Now, How would I Prevent Such?

Remember I have the right to make my husband sign a ‘no other wives’ clause, in the marriage contract? hmmmm…. Will I do it though? Well, I used to think that’d be best, but, I’ve decided no, it’s not. I won’t do it. I won’t be starting a marriage by asking him to give up, willingly or not, a God-given right, simply because I feel insecure. If he wants to be with someone else, he’ll find a way to do it, anyway. Signature or no (You know what I mean).

So, I ask again, how do I prevent it? The answer is simple- I can’t. yes, that’s right, I can’t prevent it. I can only hope, he’ll be honourable enough to let me know if he gets done with us, and wants someone else so we can have a clean, civil break…(well, as civil as can be in such a situation). That’d be a lot preferable to, say, lying to me and insulting my intelligence by telling me “Oh, I simply want to marry her in order to help her very poor family”, OR “I am trying to follow the sunnah (the ways of the prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him). Of course, He doesn’t have to tell the wife if he wants to marry someone else. So, again, his sense of honour, plays a very big role. If he’s not honourable enough to tell you, and you eventually find out (as the women always do), then you don’t need him in your life anyway.

Okay, I need to take a breather here…I’ve ranted long enough, for now. I’ll be back with Part 2 very soon, ‘cos am nowhere near done. I hope I don’t sound very angry, or worked up.

Why should I? I’m not even married yet….